For 16yrs of your life you are just no where. Boys all around with multiple competitions to participate in all the time with the evenings beckoning joyously to sit through an array of sitcoms from Who’s The Boss to MASH You just don’t have time and before you know the Wonder Years are up. With Kevin and Becky, I moved to bigger things.
The bridge called XI & XII were spent discovering friends. Made some who would eventually be my best mates for life and lost all whom I grew up with. The first of the trysts with the opposite sex ended before it barely began and then I vowed graduation would change that all.
And boy did I keep that promise. CompSci should have made me either a nerd or a geek but it fell flat at my foot steps. Lack of ambition or should I say lack of time for any ambition rendered me with arms wide open to any or all who smelt something in me.
Butterflies, I called them. Beautiful and wondrous women who held my hands and told me the truth that this moment would be eternal and that we were blessed by the forces above us.
Well, the story oft repeated itself with me being the only constant. Sometimes the setting was a park, sometimes it my car. Sometimes it was a valley behind her house or sometimes they were the hallowed halls of college, all those were girls whom I mistook for women. Most were as confused as I was and all were still growing up.
And then to the end of college when the spring was set to bloom for the final time in my student life, “she” walks in to knock me down.
She is candid right from day one and having no body else whose common to us either in our respective colleges nor in our personal lives, the chemistry finally works with out any external catalyst.
Initially it’s just a game that everyone plays, but when both read the game too well and have been through it a million times before, well – you just get bored. Things move, slowly at first but they pick up when you really want to break free. You suddenly realize you just can’t. And it does not seem so bad either.
With all the space, time and fuel, you move with “cautious optimism” least you are the one to get blamed later. Then there seems to be no point in hiding any more and when you finally let go to accept you are ‘in’ for a long haul, there seems no 101 piece philharmonic orchestra playing the anthem. It’s just plain, simple and peaceful. Just like a gentle breeze that brings a soft smile onto a face.
You settle down and mold your life around that person because you can and because that’s what you want. You tend to neglect everything that may force you to skip those special moments and just finish stuff on time so as to not miss that special coffee. The boat’s sail harmoniously with the winds.
That’s the time when you should have remembered that the powers to be are after all – idle – and that they are bored. They need to play the crude dirty joke on you, so they do, what they do best.
One fine morning you just get up to realize that the day to pack your bags and move on is right upon you. The utopic honeymoon is over because the challenge of life is warming up to take a toll on you. Yes, there is always the choice to say no and stay put but in the first place, the reason why two people are together is because there is some strain in both of them that binds them together and a part of that strain also shouts aloud that “individualism is what makes you and nothing can come before that. You need the heat because that’s what makes you, so get going and get going fast before you begin to hate your own self”. The cry is heard but the good sign is both have heard it.
Both of us are moving in two different directions with absolutely nothing in common to bind us. Pragmatism prevails and the decision to split is tabled and upheld. It’s all wonderful in these last days where lives are lead as if they are really the last days and there is absolutely nothing in store for us tomorrow.
Tomorrow will be bright. Probably the brightest days in our lives, ever. The triumphs and the compromises will be both bitter and better for they will be new battles and they ought not to be missed. Will we have the comfort of knowing that the other one is aware is yet to be worked out, but the answer at some level dangles on the hinges of a closed door.
The final chapter is underway right now. The ray of hope that this is just a break and that we shall be back is perennial in our minds but again, the quest for fresh challenges and new horizons is far to overwhelming to be ignored.
With finality looming large one confession to be made is to say that, yes, I was touched by love. Pure and Honest. And that in itself is worth a million lives…